Very few people need sound, competent advice, when everything is going well and the people in their lives are at least as honorable and competent as themselves.

Which brings me back to . . me. I don’t have the studies, and counseling experience (not paid, at least – I have always treasured my own insights). And brings me to what I offer here, at SmartAtLove.com

I grew up fairly clueless, and a bit nerdy, too, in a conservative home.  At home we went to a Lutheran church, in a remote, isolated rural area.  May City, IA boasted a population of 75 around 1965 – counting farms within 5 miles, and shows seven blocks on Google Maps today.  My dad farmed, Mom worked part time.  I served 7 years in the US Navy, got my BS in computer science, and have been stranded “between jobs” since 2001.  This is the important part – I have had too much time to think.

Trying to make ends meet had me trying new things, and meeting new people.  Doris was wonderful, a gifted and experienced Crafter.  She helped me set up and survive my first craft shows (steel cutouts).  And also got me thinking about dating again.  Our time together was mostly work or friend time, but we did touch on some personal topics.

In 2004/5 I did some substitute teaching.  This was interesting, and tough, too.  Classroom discipline is the art of keeping a room full of student’s attention focused on the work at hand.  I floundered from one recommended resource to another – and lucked out, when I found “Tools for Teaching“.  This is one immensely empowering book.  The classroom specifics might seem uninteresting – until you realize that the “red zone” rule – a child’s attention wanders if the teacher doesn’t pass within 4-5 feet every minute or three.  Which is the solution to children running about the grocery store – keep them within 4 feet, and your time between meltdowns increases.  Let them wander farther, and they establish their own impetus for exploring and interacting with the world.  There are lots of insights and guides for parents, for teachers, and administrators.  Even older students can infer some useful pointers.  Great book.

And Tools for Teaching got me started looking for clues to behavior.

While subbing at a High School English class, a question on an assigned “describe an ideal date” exercise started me thinking.  I challenged one girl, “If he won’t be a good mate and co-parent for your children – how can you afford to spend time with him now?”  My blog ItsAboutMakingBabies.com came from that.

I started ItsAboutMakingBabies with two complaints.  First, that fashion and cosmetics are properly applied to courting rituals, and have nothing to do with beauty or being “pretty” or fun.  Sexy, provocative, these have to do with making babies.  The second complaint was that, as a society, we have no clear firm and clear purpose to teach our children: Why should we make babies?  In particular, why should I, or you, or your child, prepare for, select a mate for, build a home for, and make a baby?

It took me about four years to come to an answer that satisfies me, for now.  We make babies to preserve the family, the community, and the nation we belong to. If we respect and honor the home we grew up in, the adult roles we learned will be moved to make babies to express our respect and honor for the home and culture we were raised in, by instructing children in those values and experiences that formed us.

Following various blogs that seemed to make sense, or were entertaining, I discovered NML at BaggageReclaim.co.uk.  Baggage Reclaim is a special and wonderful resource for those people that find all relationships go bad sooner or later, and mostly sooner – but they want to find a way out of the bad relationship zone.